“I hate you, but I love you”- Why those you hate most are often the ones you love most!
Ever hated someone you used to madly love? It’s shocking to hate each other’s living guts. But love lost is not always the beginning of a war. The ensemble resembles a mysterious mix of protest, hatred and undying love only. Check out how!
Love is mysterious …and perhaps the most lasting one. One most shocking truth about this ‘see more see less’ passion is how quickly you can go from loving someone to absolutely hating their living guts? The person for whom you’d have died for nothing suddenly becomes the ‘Most Abhorred Person’ in the World. Failed love somehow begins to look like the beginning of war!
Curiously unpleasant? Yes…but surprises don’t end here! For all we understand or our brain can decipher, hate is no less profound than love! The network here essentially works similar to a two part wet floppy and often is all the reason behind a ‘monkey mind’; one that distracts, disorganizes and builds up chaos when you’re indignant, pumped up and unhappy but…quiet. One part of this inflexible intellect called Putamen boots on rejection and end only in contempt and disgust; the other one insula makes you plan and bleed. It shores up responses when you’re distressed and in anguish. Yet, the two sides -loyal to passion, romance, love and hatred- are the reason it takes time to burn out a relationship.
The idea of like and dislike is likewise interesting. I doubt if I am alone in saying that I don’t like most people I come across and I’m fairly certain that most people don’t like most people either.
Interestingly, love and hate are not some kind of a defying experience. Ending up hating the person you loved for so long and not knowing why, is profoundly jarring and sometimes difficult to handle experience. Knowing that you could ever hate someone you used to madly love, is absolutely heartbreaking and would have you gutted.
So, what would you do when you find yourself crossing lines in awful ways with someone you love? ‘Not much’- most of you’d grouse…I guess. For all its sheer doggedness, hatred won’t ever let you end a relationship in a peaceful way and love will keep returning to be disappointed. For all I understand, it’s normal to hate but so’s loving someone. When you’re in a flux, implicit rationality fails to rebalance anything. Unwittingly you’ll keep resizing the image of that person. Another fumble here is the more you let the bad blood build up to glean your love, the bigger the hate gets until it destroys the connect completely.
It’s a thin line but there are ways to keep that bad feeling from getting out of hand! Love is complicated but how the hell could anyone find hate in the midst of love? Of course there is no such thing as too much hate and too much of love. But the dynamics- of- duo is a normal part of getting closer. Feeling hurt and negative towards the other person does not necessarily mean that you’ve been conned into a wrong relationship or some creep has stolen your love unfairly. Hating your mate in the moment does not mean that you don’t also love them. It’s just that the good isn’t as good as it seems if you aren’t occasionally contrasting it with something bad. See…We all need emotional potpourri
sometimes to make a relationship tick. And it doesn’t have to be positive all the time to make everything happy and healthy; feeling good all the time might just get boring!
I hate you, then I love you . . . I hate you still more, only to love you more
While emotional encounters are compelling; personal situations sometimes pull together and affect the change of hearts. On the other hand when you think you’ve been understood correctly it makes you feel like your connect is strong and worth fighting for. Contrasting opinions apart, it’s an all good, plain and simple cloud none for you. And what more! It gets all the easier once you know how to keep that love-hate mix useful!
As opposed to suppressing bad feelings that may evolve into bigger weep later, begin by looking at your mate’s perspective before asserting your POV. This way it’s easier to understand why they feel the way they do. Odds are that you may still end up with strong arguments over the fall out; but I guess it’s always better to struggle a bit and survive than die driving each other crazy.
This is a bit apocalyptic to those who grown cold feet easily and would resist an eye-to eye; reach. Still, there are ways to set things right in a scarred relationship.
Should you or you shouldn’t? What the heck! Dump debating yourself even if you’re hurt bad. After all, there’s no harm trying and who knows someday you might hit the happy lyrics again.
Stonewalling! Nah…never
Even if everything so far has been upsetting and nasty, you need to avoid the three horsemen of an impending disaster; blaming and repeatedly slamming your partner with disapproval, you’re prickly to the extent of being offensive and most disastrous of all you’re rubbing the salt hard by bad mouthing. Break off and you’ll stop the slow burn.
Presume innocence-It works incredibly well.
How many of us have done dumb, stupid or hurtful things that have tormented our relationship? Intentionally or unintentionally we often hurt someone we love, though the choice to believe in something good about somebody rather than something bad-when we have the possibility of doing either- lies with us.
You may not know whether their story is true or not, but once you decide to believe in them, a refreshing sense of caring and understanding will prop up in your relationship. Nothing could strengthen your connect more than conveying trust and appreciation.
Take a moment off to appreciate your mate’s forte
Changing the way that you think about your mate actually trades the way that you feel about them and affects the ways you act with and react to them.
Find ways to slow down your thinking and act until you are calm and can think it through. Believe in your mate and their willingness to do things in the best interests of the relationship. Err on the side of the positive and you’ll be touched and tipped-off when needed most.
Imagine you are part of the same side
It’s not about who wins the fight and who decimates whom. When you could not think as one, it’s time to figure out a solution. Killing time in locking horns only worsens everything. Besides it’s not an easy way forward, if your mate is not playing by the same rules.
So, in the heat of the moment when your anger begins to get better of you; allow yourself some space, reflect over your mate’s oddity and remind yourself of the happy times together. If you really believe that not all bad that happens is meant to be bad, remind yourself over and over again of something as simple as “I must understand and not dwell on ill will”. This would let you to “agree to disagree” when no amount of fighting is going to change your minds.
Still with me? Great, because someday you may also say ‘thank you dear Nat’ for showing you the way to not let anything fall apart!
Sometimes I’m happy,
Sometimes I’m blue.
My disposition
Depends on you.
Sometimes I love you,
Sometimes I hate you.
But when I hate you,
It’s ’cause I love you.
